REAL relationships start with REAL communication.

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong.


Proverbs 18:20-23 MSG
Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Find a good spouse, you find a good life— and even more: the favor of GOD! The poor speak in soft supplications; the rich bark out answers.

Why do we communicate?

1. Basic Information

2. Partnership

3. Connection

4. Personal Information/Revelation

5. Intimate Communication

6. Conflict Resolution

There is no greater lie than truth misunderstood. -William James

Four communication styles when we feel threatened.

1. The Appeaser

2. The Fault-Finder

3. The Computer

4. The … “Look, a squirrel.”

James 1:26 NLT
If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

Sure shot ways to damage communication in any relationship.

  1. Speak the cold truth.

…Instead, speak with warmth.

Romans 12:6-8 NLT
In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So, if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

Proverbs 12:18 NLT
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

It is difficult to not only say the right thing in the right place but far more difficult to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. -George Sala

James 3:2-5 NLT
Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

2. Fake it till you break it.

…Instead, project genuineness.

2 Corinthians 6:6-7a NLT
We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love. We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us.

Romans 12:9-10 NLT
Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

Romans 12:9-10 MSG
Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

3. Demand that others understand.

…Instead, grow in empathy.

James 1:19 NLT
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Romans 12:12-18 NLT
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Matthew 12:34-37 NLT
You brood of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.”

Rules for Real Communication

1. Make “I” Statements, not “You” statements.

2. Practice reflective listening.

3. Understand and accept the differences of others.

4. Apologize when necessary.

5. Power down and get offline.

  Before you get married, ask yourself, is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone for the rest of your life? -Will Ferrell

6. Communicate through touch.

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